Thursday, January 27, 2011
Snow = Comfort Food
Well another snow storm and the desire to eat comfort food becomes a bit overwhelming. I think that we all end up being conditioned from childhood that snow means hot chocolate, marshmallows, warm cookies, etc. Mom always treated us when we came in from the snow. Things were different then - running up the hill with the sled just to slide back down really burnt some calories so all the added treats didn't seem to bother you. Now we see snow, think comfort food and cringe at the thought of going out in the snow to sled! So I stay inside and want the comfort food. So let's try to recondition ourselves to make snow = salad instead of snow = cookies. :o) Yeah right!!! Happy shoveling!!!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Today's Emotion - SAD
Well - today I am a bit sad. For those of you that know me you know that I LOVE animals. I have had a foster kitty in my house since Saturday and she is SUPER sweet. I sent her off today to the rescue organization that is going to get her adopted out to a great home. It was so sad letting her go. There was no way that I could have more animals in my house. I have enough already. It's amazing though how quickly she worked her way into my life. So I am feeling a bit blue at the moment. :o(
The urge to binge today wasn't too strong. It did cross my mind. But I was really busy this evening and went to the trainer tonight. I find that trainer days are binge free days. I guess after working that hard I don't feel the need to eat. So I walked Roxie, came home, had a bit to eat and here I sit typing a message. It feels good to write it out and let it go.
I'll get over letting Finley go. She will find a good home soon. I just have to remember that I was able to give her a warm home for a few days on her way to find her forever home. She will be adopted soon. She is too adorable not to be.
The urge to binge today wasn't too strong. It did cross my mind. But I was really busy this evening and went to the trainer tonight. I find that trainer days are binge free days. I guess after working that hard I don't feel the need to eat. So I walked Roxie, came home, had a bit to eat and here I sit typing a message. It feels good to write it out and let it go.
I'll get over letting Finley go. She will find a good home soon. I just have to remember that I was able to give her a warm home for a few days on her way to find her forever home. She will be adopted soon. She is too adorable not to be.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
2011 IS MY YEAR!
So - it's been 6 months since I have written. What have I been doing? Well it hasn't been focusing on choosing the healthy options when it comes to eating. I have been working out with a trainer twice a week so that has helped. But the scale has only gone up recently. I joined Weight Watchers again - not because I don't know what I should be eating but because it provides me another level of accountability and tracking.
I have a simple goal for the next 3 weeks - make healthier choices. They say it takes 3 weeks to change a habit. So this 3 weeks is writing down my food in my food journal. That is what I am going to focus on. By writing down I will see my food choices and where I can possibly improve moving forward.
I am going to focus on this blog again as a way to journal my feelings. I am still an emotional eater that uses food to suppress my feelings. I know that my issues with food completely revolve around my inappropriate use of food to soothe my feelings. I hardly eat when I am hungry because I don't get hungry. For those that don't eat through emotions this must be such a crazy concept. But for me it's a daily struggle.
So I will welcome myself back and pledge to blog at least once week as I work through my issues.
I have a simple goal for the next 3 weeks - make healthier choices. They say it takes 3 weeks to change a habit. So this 3 weeks is writing down my food in my food journal. That is what I am going to focus on. By writing down I will see my food choices and where I can possibly improve moving forward.
I am going to focus on this blog again as a way to journal my feelings. I am still an emotional eater that uses food to suppress my feelings. I know that my issues with food completely revolve around my inappropriate use of food to soothe my feelings. I hardly eat when I am hungry because I don't get hungry. For those that don't eat through emotions this must be such a crazy concept. But for me it's a daily struggle.
So I will welcome myself back and pledge to blog at least once week as I work through my issues.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Geneen Roth Session #4
OK, OK - so I am behind just a little bit and am doing 2 sessions in one day. :o) And the 5th session is in 2 days. So I am really behind. But that's OK. I guess I need to reflect and practice inquiry around why it is taking me this long to get to the classes. I think I know the answer - CHANGE and being afraid that this is just another thing that I am getting my hopes up about and it not working. So I am working on that.
It is so weird that I wrote the sentences above, started the recorded session and the first question that came up today was from a participant that is saying that she started feeling hopeful and now is feeling defeated and feeling like this is just something else to fail at. Very interesting. It's amazing how you think you are the only one feeling these feelings and you suddenly find out that it is so far from the truth.
Session #4 Topic - "Finding Your Enough"
Beginning Questions
1.) Things do not change in 4 weeks. Don't be impatient. The thought of wanting to change does not change us. Insight is not enough. Actions need to be taken that are different from what you have done before. Words alone do not change - you must take action!
2.) Align yourself with intention can feel like deprivation, but the follow through on intention is more of an undoing that a doing. Undoing of our habitual ways of being unconscious. We are going against our usual way of being unconscious.
3.) We are loyal to our old way of doing things. Dig in and determine who we are being loyal to.
4.) A lot of us have the longing to have someone else do this for us and to fix us. As we know though, no one can do this for us. This is the child inside of us coming out. Have compassion for this voice.
5.) Exercise - you can't shame yourself into working out and have it be good for you. Pay attention to the kind of movement that feels best for you. How would I like to move? What is the answer - go with that.
6.) Rest, contact, food and movement - the 4 things the body must have.
Today's Topic
1.) Each of us has an essence. We have lost this knowledge and feel homeless.
2.) We identify with our personality or ego - this is the small self that we take ourselves to be.
3.) Inquiry allows us to remove the barriers that are holding us back inside ourselves. We have unlimited potential.
4.) When you are not connected to who you really are - you feel broken, wounded. Until you understand yourself and connect with yourself - you will always feel lonely.
5.) If as a child we could have been able to stay connected to ourselves when someone else did something to us - the wound would not have happened. We would have been able to see that the action was about the other person and not ourselves. Because we were not able to do that as a child we separated from ourselves. We need to focus that this is still the case that it has to do with the other person and not ourselves. We need to learn the way back.
6.) Food is the doorway to your essence. It is the closest thing we have to our essence because it's the present link to it.
7.) We don't pay attention to our awareness, we pay attention to the thought itself.
8.) Determining your true self is not going to get you to an ultimate goal. It is just itself the nature of itself - you will be closer to yourself.
Practices for the Week
Eat what your body wants. - this is not what think you should be eating, deprivation, what you wanted as a child
Notice what you are loyal to.
It is so weird that I wrote the sentences above, started the recorded session and the first question that came up today was from a participant that is saying that she started feeling hopeful and now is feeling defeated and feeling like this is just something else to fail at. Very interesting. It's amazing how you think you are the only one feeling these feelings and you suddenly find out that it is so far from the truth.
Session #4 Topic - "Finding Your Enough"
Beginning Questions
1.) Things do not change in 4 weeks. Don't be impatient. The thought of wanting to change does not change us. Insight is not enough. Actions need to be taken that are different from what you have done before. Words alone do not change - you must take action!
2.) Align yourself with intention can feel like deprivation, but the follow through on intention is more of an undoing that a doing. Undoing of our habitual ways of being unconscious. We are going against our usual way of being unconscious.
3.) We are loyal to our old way of doing things. Dig in and determine who we are being loyal to.
4.) A lot of us have the longing to have someone else do this for us and to fix us. As we know though, no one can do this for us. This is the child inside of us coming out. Have compassion for this voice.
5.) Exercise - you can't shame yourself into working out and have it be good for you. Pay attention to the kind of movement that feels best for you. How would I like to move? What is the answer - go with that.
6.) Rest, contact, food and movement - the 4 things the body must have.
Today's Topic
1.) Each of us has an essence. We have lost this knowledge and feel homeless.
2.) We identify with our personality or ego - this is the small self that we take ourselves to be.
3.) Inquiry allows us to remove the barriers that are holding us back inside ourselves. We have unlimited potential.
4.) When you are not connected to who you really are - you feel broken, wounded. Until you understand yourself and connect with yourself - you will always feel lonely.
5.) If as a child we could have been able to stay connected to ourselves when someone else did something to us - the wound would not have happened. We would have been able to see that the action was about the other person and not ourselves. Because we were not able to do that as a child we separated from ourselves. We need to focus that this is still the case that it has to do with the other person and not ourselves. We need to learn the way back.
6.) Food is the doorway to your essence. It is the closest thing we have to our essence because it's the present link to it.
7.) We don't pay attention to our awareness, we pay attention to the thought itself.
8.) Determining your true self is not going to get you to an ultimate goal. It is just itself the nature of itself - you will be closer to yourself.
Practices for the Week
Eat what your body wants. - this is not what think you should be eating, deprivation, what you wanted as a child
Notice what you are loyal to.
Geneen Roth Session #3
The topic of this session is - "What are you really hungry for?" This is a great question for me. I think ultimately I am looking for acceptance mostly for myself, I am looking for love and I am looking for purpose. I know that sitting on the couch on the weekends binging is not the life that I want to lead or one that I will be fulfilled with when the end comes.
Below are the notes for week #3 from Geneen Roth's online retreat.
Session began with class member questions -
1.) What should we eat when hungry? Listen to your body hungry. Tune in to it. Check into your body and figure out what works and what doesn't.
2.) How do I eat when I am hungry on a structured schedule? Make the guidelines work for you. Take into consideration what works for you. Take care of yourself.
3.) Should I eat breakfast? Know your body.
4.) Should I lose weight before I start working the guidelines? this seems to be more like a deferral process. Scared of change. Dig deep into your thoughts and determine your real motives.
Messages on Tonight's Topic
1.) Inquiry - allows you to be curious about what you really believe and feel. Conscious or unconscious. Self-image and identity are made up of beliefs, feelings and thoughts. This is what we believe to be the truth because we have thought it so long and no longer question the truth. How we define success and failure. Inquiry is the focus and questioning our resistance to what we are feeling.
2.) Curiosity - how was it handled as a child? Were you allowed to ask questions were you scolded?
3.) Being a victim and victim mentality is the opposite of curiosity. It allows you to remove yourself from this reflection.
4.) We no longer rely on adults to take care of us. We are adults now. If we keep repeating what we heard as children and to believe it we are allowing those other adult voices to be our voices.
5.) Whatever you are feeling - treat it as if it's the first time you have felt it and really look at the feeling and explore it.
6.) Inquiry
a.) Cannot have an agenda.
b.) Cannot have preferences on emotions
c.) No judgements allowed
d.) Voice needs to be questions and disengaged
e.) Don't analyze it
f.) You have to be willing to know something you may not want to know
7.) Sensation Location - what is the sensation and where do I feel it the most? Become more precise from there. Color, shape, true feeling? This is the first step of inquiry.
8.) This is a practice and isn't going to be an instant ah-ha moment. We aren't going to be good at it in the beginning.
The Voice
1.) We are so blended with the voice that it is in the first person and it does sound like ourselves talking to ourselves.
2.) Recognize the attack of the voice - you suddenly feel small and diminished.
3.) You may not in the beginning that the voice is talking to you, but you will feel the after effects. Now you can start working yourself backwards to figure out what is going on.
4.) Sometimes you feel desperate and need to find someone else really smart. Need to find a guide or a mentor. This is the influence of the voice.
5.) Work at the "you" and "me" process. Put your voice into second person and start to separate. Talk back to the voice and put it in it's place.
This week's practice -
Eat without distractions - no television, reading, computer
Practice Inquiry - start developing your curiosity. Ask yourself why you did something you told yourself you weren't going to do. Be kind to your self.
Below are the notes for week #3 from Geneen Roth's online retreat.
Session began with class member questions -
1.) What should we eat when hungry? Listen to your body hungry. Tune in to it. Check into your body and figure out what works and what doesn't.
2.) How do I eat when I am hungry on a structured schedule? Make the guidelines work for you. Take into consideration what works for you. Take care of yourself.
3.) Should I eat breakfast? Know your body.
4.) Should I lose weight before I start working the guidelines? this seems to be more like a deferral process. Scared of change. Dig deep into your thoughts and determine your real motives.
Messages on Tonight's Topic
1.) Inquiry - allows you to be curious about what you really believe and feel. Conscious or unconscious. Self-image and identity are made up of beliefs, feelings and thoughts. This is what we believe to be the truth because we have thought it so long and no longer question the truth. How we define success and failure. Inquiry is the focus and questioning our resistance to what we are feeling.
2.) Curiosity - how was it handled as a child? Were you allowed to ask questions were you scolded?
3.) Being a victim and victim mentality is the opposite of curiosity. It allows you to remove yourself from this reflection.
4.) We no longer rely on adults to take care of us. We are adults now. If we keep repeating what we heard as children and to believe it we are allowing those other adult voices to be our voices.
5.) Whatever you are feeling - treat it as if it's the first time you have felt it and really look at the feeling and explore it.
6.) Inquiry
a.) Cannot have an agenda.
b.) Cannot have preferences on emotions
c.) No judgements allowed
d.) Voice needs to be questions and disengaged
e.) Don't analyze it
f.) You have to be willing to know something you may not want to know
7.) Sensation Location - what is the sensation and where do I feel it the most? Become more precise from there. Color, shape, true feeling? This is the first step of inquiry.
8.) This is a practice and isn't going to be an instant ah-ha moment. We aren't going to be good at it in the beginning.
The Voice
1.) We are so blended with the voice that it is in the first person and it does sound like ourselves talking to ourselves.
2.) Recognize the attack of the voice - you suddenly feel small and diminished.
3.) You may not in the beginning that the voice is talking to you, but you will feel the after effects. Now you can start working yourself backwards to figure out what is going on.
4.) Sometimes you feel desperate and need to find someone else really smart. Need to find a guide or a mentor. This is the influence of the voice.
5.) Work at the "you" and "me" process. Put your voice into second person and start to separate. Talk back to the voice and put it in it's place.
This week's practice -
Eat without distractions - no television, reading, computer
Practice Inquiry - start developing your curiosity. Ask yourself why you did something you told yourself you weren't going to do. Be kind to your self.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
June 1st Session
I was out of town last week and missed the Geneen Roth session. I am just getting to the class now. Here are the learning and interesting comments for the evening:
Identifications from the previous week:
Identifications from the previous week:
- we hardly eat when we are hungry.
- we eat on a schedule.
- we don't need nearly as much food as you need.
- nothing is a rule.
- if you eat when you are not hungry, there is no gauge to tell you to stop.
- if you eat when you are not hungry, you will not know what you are hungry for.
- when you stop using food to push down your feelings you have to deal with them.
- when you stop eating when you are not hungry, you will start feeling new things and wonder what to do with your time.
- commit to yourself
- what is the most important thing to you - re-decide on a daily basis
- eat what your body wants
- mouth hunger - looking, smelling food
- body hunger - what your body needs for nourishment, energy, vitality
- mind hunger - choosing what used to be forbidden
- beliefs drive actions and they should be questioned
- taking time with yourself is not self indulgent of selfish
- Every single one of us start our lives with a sense of being fine without self reflection.
- As we get older we begin to learn what approval and disapproval is.
- Construct our self images based on what we learn as lovable and what is not lovable - what was paid attention to.
- Change is impossible until we understand our inner critic and the voice that says you CAN'T DO THIS!
- Current status quo is having a dysfunctional relationship with food. Changing this upsets the voice and it comes in to stun you to stop transformation.
- The voice's function is supposed to stop us from doing what to do and what not to do in society. It starts as our parents and becomes internalized as we get older.
- The voice takes objective truth and blends it with moral judgement. (i gained 20 lbs this year blends with I am a loser and have no will power).
- You know you are under the influence of the voice when you feel paralyzed, needy, weak, shamed or desperate.
- Name your voice. It is possible to separate ourselves from the voice.
- Disengage from your voice. Defend against your voice and tell it to get lost.
- Practice. Practice. Practice.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
So Far, So Good
This week has been going pretty good. Allowing myself to add some of my favorites into a meal when I am hungry is really nice. I have actually kept cupcakes in my house this whole week. They are there in the fridge and I haven't totally gorged on them. AMAZING! I actually had a salad and a cookie today for lunch. I think the guy at the store thought I was crazy. But I don't care.
Exercise has been good so far. I went to my first Zumba class tonight and had such a great time. Just a bunch of white ladies pretending we have rhythm! Too funny. :o) But it was so much fun.
Geneen Roth's first online retreat session was last night. Here were a few of the take aways -
Exercise has been good so far. I went to my first Zumba class tonight and had such a great time. Just a bunch of white ladies pretending we have rhythm! Too funny. :o) But it was so much fun.
Geneen Roth's first online retreat session was last night. Here were a few of the take aways -
- Diets don't work.
- Change doesn't come by loathing yourself
- We do what we do for the best possible reasons. We turn to food because we feel this is our best solution to the pain.
- Pain is part of life. Everyone has pain.
- Our relationship with food is a doorway to how we approach everything.
So I am hitting this at all angles now and am feeling pretty good. On the upside right now.
I can continue!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
