Sunday, June 20, 2010

Geneen Roth Session #4

OK, OK - so I am behind just a little bit and am doing 2 sessions in one day. :o) And the 5th session is in 2 days. So I am really behind. But that's OK. I guess I need to reflect and practice inquiry around why it is taking me this long to get to the classes. I think I know the answer - CHANGE and being afraid that this is just another thing that I am getting my hopes up about and it not working. So I am working on that.

It is so weird that I wrote the sentences above, started the recorded session and the first question that came up today was from a participant that is saying that she started feeling hopeful and now is feeling defeated and feeling like this is just something else to fail at. Very interesting. It's amazing how you think you are the only one feeling these feelings and you suddenly find out that it is so far from the truth.

Session #4 Topic - "Finding Your Enough"

Beginning Questions

1.) Things do not change in 4 weeks. Don't be impatient. The thought of wanting to change does not change us. Insight is not enough. Actions need to be taken that are different from what you have done before. Words alone do not change - you must take action!

2.) Align yourself with intention can feel like deprivation, but the follow through on intention is more of an undoing that a doing. Undoing of our habitual ways of being unconscious. We are going against our usual way of being unconscious.

3.) We are loyal to our old way of doing things. Dig in and determine who we are being loyal to.

4.) A lot of us have the longing to have someone else do this for us and to fix us. As we know though, no one can do this for us. This is the child inside of us coming out. Have compassion for this voice.

5.) Exercise - you can't shame yourself into working out and have it be good for you. Pay attention to the kind of movement that feels best for you. How would I like to move? What is the answer - go with that.

6.) Rest, contact, food and movement - the 4 things the body must have.

Today's Topic

1.) Each of us has an essence. We have lost this knowledge and feel homeless.

2.) We identify with our personality or ego - this is the small self that we take ourselves to be.

3.) Inquiry allows us to remove the barriers that are holding us back inside ourselves. We have unlimited potential.

4.) When you are not connected to who you really are - you feel broken, wounded. Until you understand yourself and connect with yourself - you will always feel lonely.

5.) If as a child we could have been able to stay connected to ourselves when someone else did something to us - the wound would not have happened. We would have been able to see that the action was about the other person and not ourselves. Because we were not able to do that as a child we separated from ourselves. We need to focus that this is still the case that it has to do with the other person and not ourselves. We need to learn the way back.

6.) Food is the doorway to your essence. It is the closest thing we have to our essence because it's the present link to it.

7.) We don't pay attention to our awareness, we pay attention to the thought itself.

8.) Determining your true self is not going to get you to an ultimate goal. It is just itself the nature of itself - you will be closer to yourself.

Practices for the Week

Eat what your body wants. - this is not what think you should be eating, deprivation, what you wanted as a child

Notice what you are loyal to.

Geneen Roth Session #3

The topic of this session is - "What are you really hungry for?" This is a great question for me. I think ultimately I am looking for acceptance mostly for myself, I am looking for love and I am looking for purpose. I know that sitting on the couch on the weekends binging is not the life that I want to lead or one that I will be fulfilled with when the end comes.

Below are the notes for week #3 from Geneen Roth's online retreat.

Session began with class member questions -

1.) What should we eat when hungry? Listen to your body hungry. Tune in to it. Check into your body and figure out what works and what doesn't.

2.) How do I eat when I am hungry on a structured schedule? Make the guidelines work for you. Take into consideration what works for you. Take care of yourself.

3.) Should I eat breakfast? Know your body.

4.) Should I lose weight before I start working the guidelines? this seems to be more like a deferral process. Scared of change. Dig deep into your thoughts and determine your real motives.

Messages on Tonight's Topic

1.) Inquiry - allows you to be curious about what you really believe and feel. Conscious or unconscious. Self-image and identity are made up of beliefs, feelings and thoughts. This is what we believe to be the truth because we have thought it so long and no longer question the truth. How we define success and failure. Inquiry is the focus and questioning our resistance to what we are feeling.

2.) Curiosity - how was it handled as a child? Were you allowed to ask questions were you scolded?

3.) Being a victim and victim mentality is the opposite of curiosity. It allows you to remove yourself from this reflection.

4.) We no longer rely on adults to take care of us. We are adults now. If we keep repeating what we heard as children and to believe it we are allowing those other adult voices to be our voices.

5.) Whatever you are feeling - treat it as if it's the first time you have felt it and really look at the feeling and explore it.

6.) Inquiry
a.) Cannot have an agenda.
b.) Cannot have preferences on emotions
c.) No judgements allowed
d.) Voice needs to be questions and disengaged
e.) Don't analyze it
f.) You have to be willing to know something you may not want to know

7.) Sensation Location - what is the sensation and where do I feel it the most? Become more precise from there. Color, shape, true feeling? This is the first step of inquiry.

8.) This is a practice and isn't going to be an instant ah-ha moment. We aren't going to be good at it in the beginning.

The Voice

1.) We are so blended with the voice that it is in the first person and it does sound like ourselves talking to ourselves.

2.) Recognize the attack of the voice - you suddenly feel small and diminished.

3.) You may not in the beginning that the voice is talking to you, but you will feel the after effects. Now you can start working yourself backwards to figure out what is going on.

4.) Sometimes you feel desperate and need to find someone else really smart. Need to find a guide or a mentor. This is the influence of the voice.

5.) Work at the "you" and "me" process. Put your voice into second person and start to separate. Talk back to the voice and put it in it's place.

This week's practice -

Eat without distractions - no television, reading, computer

Practice Inquiry - start developing your curiosity. Ask yourself why you did something you told yourself you weren't going to do. Be kind to your self.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

June 1st Session

I was out of town last week and missed the Geneen Roth session. I am just getting to the class now. Here are the learning and interesting comments for the evening:

Identifications from the previous week:
  1. we hardly eat when we are hungry.
  2. we eat on a schedule.
  3. we don't need nearly as much food as you need.
  4. nothing is a rule.
  5. if you eat when you are not hungry, there is no gauge to tell you to stop.
  6. if you eat when you are not hungry, you will not know what you are hungry for.
  7. when you stop using food to push down your feelings you have to deal with them.
  8. when you stop eating when you are not hungry, you will start feeling new things and wonder what to do with your time.
  9. commit to yourself
  10. what is the most important thing to you - re-decide on a daily basis
  11. eat what your body wants
  12. mouth hunger - looking, smelling food
  13. body hunger - what your body needs for nourishment, energy, vitality
  14. mind hunger - choosing what used to be forbidden
  15. beliefs drive actions and they should be questioned
  16. taking time with yourself is not self indulgent of selfish
"Beyond What's Broken: Becoming Whole Again"
  1. Every single one of us start our lives with a sense of being fine without self reflection.
  2. As we get older we begin to learn what approval and disapproval is.
  3. Construct our self images based on what we learn as lovable and what is not lovable - what was paid attention to.
  4. Change is impossible until we understand our inner critic and the voice that says you CAN'T DO THIS!
  5. Current status quo is having a dysfunctional relationship with food. Changing this upsets the voice and it comes in to stun you to stop transformation.
  6. The voice's function is supposed to stop us from doing what to do and what not to do in society. It starts as our parents and becomes internalized as we get older.
  7. The voice takes objective truth and blends it with moral judgement. (i gained 20 lbs this year blends with I am a loser and have no will power).
  8. You know you are under the influence of the voice when you feel paralyzed, needy, weak, shamed or desperate.
  9. Name your voice. It is possible to separate ourselves from the voice.
  10. Disengage from your voice. Defend against your voice and tell it to get lost.
  11. Practice. Practice. Practice.