Sunday, December 27, 2009

Post Christmas - Post Family Time

Well, I made it through Christmas with little issues. I had a nice time with family and didn't think too much about food. When i was getting ready to come home I started thinking about what I was going to eat when I got home. I talked myself out of that thinking for awhile. I did give in a bit today but I didn't do too bad.

Back on the bandwagon tomorrow. I have to go through the kitchen and get rid of a few things that are sitting in there, but not too much. The next few days should be pretty busy for me as I start a few house projects. I have 5 days to do several projects in my bathrooms. And then this upcoming weekend, Christmas stuff has to come down.

I wish I had written this morning, but the day got away from me again. Tomorrow morning I will get up and get somethings done around the house. It is very easy to sit on the couch and let the whole day go by playing video games or watching TV. But not anymore this week. I have to get somethings done.

I will get up and get moving.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Snow Days

We are buried under about 20" of snow. Good thing it's a Saturday. I had no where to go today which was great. I did shovel snow 3 times and am sure I have one more time tomorrow morning.

I think I have done pretty good. The last time we had a huge snow storm I ate myself out of house and home. I ran to the grocery store last night and only bought a few essentials. I didn't buy anything extra. I was very proud of myself.

Tomorrow I will continue to be on plan. I have done such a good job the last 2 weeks. I will write down my food and plan my day because I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be more of a struggle because it's my second day cooped up in the house. I do have some things to do here so I will plan on working on a few projects.

I am on the right course.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Struggle Continues

So this week I have a total of 5 holiday events. I had a dinner last night and I think I did pretty good. Today I have lunch and cocktail hour. Tomorrow I have lunch and then happy hour. So the plan this week is to have controlled fun with friends. No plans to lose weight this week - its all about maintenance.

I have been doing a great job. My addicted, sugar craving voice has been speaking very loudly to me. I think I am eager for vacation and want the next few days to pass quickly. I also had to have surgery on my kitty and that caused stress, but I didn't eat. I am very proud.

They say it takes 3 weeks to adopt a new change. I am a week and a half in. Half way there.

I talked to a friend last night that gives himself monthly challenges to adjust different things in his life. I like that idea and will start that in 2010. I am on a monthly challenge now to follow my rules and continue on this course. I like his one challenge to cut out all "kid" sugar. Anything that a kid would consider as candy or a sweet. This will be January's challenge.

I am a challenger!

Monday, December 14, 2009


OK - so the emotion I am feeling now is jealousy and envy. I am also feeling under appreciated and a bit helpless. I am feeling this way because of work today.

I am bringing this up because I really want to eat right now and I had to get this off of my chest before I went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. I think in the back of my mind I recognized this feeling as a trigger all along but never really took the opportunity to stop this pattern.

I am now seeing that I use food in these situations to make me feel full again for at least a bit of time. I was out walking my dog earlier and I kept feeling this way and then I thought about food and it distracted me and allowed me a moment to think about something else. I think a lot of times its more about the thought of the reward an less about the reward itself. I think about food and it makes me feel better. And then of course I start craving it so I go out and get it.

I have done very well for a whole week and I want to continue this path.

I am not going to let something that is out of my control at work send me to the refrigerator for more food than I need. That doesn't solve the situation at all.

I will remain strong and in control.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Good Weekend

I had a good weekend. Friends were over last night for a dinner party. It was really nice to have a holiday dinner with the group. Steak, potatoes, veggies, salad, appetizer and dessert. And several glasses of wine. I think that eating wise I did really well. I was really busy most of the day getting the house ready for guests. I took the time to have lunch and a snack about an hour or so before guests arrived. So I didn't feel hungry.

When every arrived and dinner and drinks were served, I decided not to go crazy, but also to have a good time and not stress. So I had a salad to help fill up and I only had one serving of dinner.

Usually once the guests leave I dive into more food. This time I started to, but stopped myself. Anything that was left over that abuse potential was thrown away. I cleaned up a bit and went right to bed.

Overall I think I managed to balance staying in control and having a good time with friends. I want to be able to enjoy my time with friends and not go crazy.

Today I remained in control and did very well. I do need to work on incorporating exercise back into my routine. I have really gotten out of the habit and I need to get back into it.

This week coming up I have 5 events. So I need to remain in control and do what needs to be done to have fun, but not throw away all the good I have done so far this month.

I am successful!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Friday Night

I am really, really jonesing for additional food tonight. Friday's are typically the beginning of my weekend long bingeing. I am not going to let that happen tonight. I had to log on and write about it thought because all I can think about right now is food. I have plenty of other things to do tonight, but I am so focused on the kitchen.

I am not going to give in tonight. My change occurred on Monday night and I am not going to let it fall apart now. I have been abstinent for 5 days. That is a HUGE deal and I am very proud of myself. I am not going to let it fall apart now.

I already feel better after writing this small blog. It's amazing what a few written out words can do.

I am strong!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Still on Path

Yesterday was tougher. I stayed the course though. But mi-afternoon and evening cravings hit hard. I know I just need to forge through this while my body readjusts to a little bit less food. I know I am not being deprived. But this is my body rejecting and pushing me to continue my addiction.

Today is a Department Outing at work. I think, but am not sure, that we will be going out to dinner. I am not concerned. I am going to have a light lunch and have my snacks. Dinner will be a protein and a vegetable. Glass of lemon water. No wine tonight since i have work in the morning and have work to do tonight when I get home.

Things are going well so far. Not easy to make changes during the holidays, but there is no great time. But I have to change and it has to happen now. So I am taking that control and I know I can do this.

I am in control!!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Following the Rules

Well, yesterday I followed the rules to a tee. I had my moments where I thought - "I don't have to do this perfectly". At that point I stopped myself immediately and said "YES YOU DO". Don't let IT (my addicted voice) lead my life. I am able to take control of this. Food will not have power over me any longer.

I am happy to be taking this control.

I am also going to start working on a small thought journal. In this journal I am going to write small reminders to myself about how bad I feel when I binge and how good I feel when I don't. I am sure that everyone is aware that over time we tend to remember the good and not the bad. So I have to have a constant reminder that a full day of sugar leads to horrible headaches and lethargy. A day of exercise leads to energy and optimism. I will tape in pictures of me at different stages of weight. I want reminders of how my outward appearance changes with weight gain and loss.

I am also going to reach out to a friend and see if she wants to be a weight loss buddy. We can support each other through this process.

My Ultimate Goal - I want to lose 50lbs before Thanksgiving 2010.

I am making this happen!!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Holiday Crazy

Well, my eating has been slipping out of control lately. I know what I am doing, but continue to do the same thing over and over again. I am not following the steps that help me gain control and my weight is going up and up. I am so unhappy at the moment. This is crazy.

I feel like I am just keeping myself in this pattern for some reason because I know I have quite a few holiday events coming up where I may not be in control of my eating. So might as well just make myself totally out of control up until that point. Which is crazy. I can go out and have a good time and still be in control.

Control starts now!

I mentioned a book I have been reading in my last post. I think it is a wonderful book and highly recommend it. I have made it to the section that lists what needs to be done to cut out hypereating. And it is going to take work. It always takes work. There are no magic pills. The main thing I have to do it come up with rules. And stick by those rules. It is going to be hard, but if the rule is set I must follow it. It's not a day to day thing. It's a decision that needs to be made and stuck with. So I am going to be writing out my new rules of eating. It may be in a couple of different blogs as I start to come up with them. once I am done I will re-write in another blog.

Here are the rules I have thought of so far -

1.) I can only eat 5 times a day with nothing in between timed meals and snacks.

2.) Meals at restaurants are a protein, vegetables, and one single starch

3.) No candy, cakes, or processed sweets

4.) All main meals are a protein and a vegetable and sometimes a starch

5.) The only food I can eat is what is written down for the day. I cannot deter from the plan.

I know it sounds a bit rigid, but at this point I think it may be the only thing I can do to gain control. Just as it says in the book, saying "just one bite won't hurt" is not working for me. AT ALL!!!! I can't control it unless I have hard and fast rules. So I am going to start tomorrow.

I can do this!!!!