Saturday, November 28, 2009

Post Thanksgiving

Well I survived Thanksgiving. I did pretty well before and after. I'm just trying to get through the next few weeks without a big binge. I haven't been focusing on making the best decisions, just trying to not make a horrible one. Doing pretty well with that so far.

I have been reading an interesting book. "The end of overeating. Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite." By David A Kessler, MD. It's a very interesting book that discuss how the food industry manufactures food to make us want more and more. It's not blaming the food industry with the obesity rates in America, but it helps to explain why we feel sometimes that we have no control. In some cases the Sugar, fat, salt combinations in our food has as strong a pull on us as cocaine does for a drug addict.

I am still reading so I haven't made it to the "how to break the cycle" section. But it seems to be leading to what some of us know. We have to give up certain food or face continued binges. The thought of this makes me nervous. But what I have been doing hasn't been working. And one of the things OA teaches you is that you only have to focus on today. I can give something up for one day. Then I will work on the next day tomorrow.

I am heading out of town next week for work so it may be a few days again until another post.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Heading into the Holidays

So I am a bit worried about the next few weeks. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is chocked full of get togethers and times to eat. I have to remember to take it one day at a time and make sure I plan the day ahead of time as much as I can to prevent serious binges.

Today I went to lunch and a movie with a friend. We had a great time. I had a larger lunch, but now that it is 7:00 I am realizing that I am not hungry at all. I did buy a bag of salad at the grocery store today for dinner tonight. So if I get hungry at all I have that to munch on. But at this point I don't think I will need it. That is quite a change for me. And it feels great.

This is all a learning process and I know that if I take it one day at a time I can make the changes I want in life and begin to live free from my food obsession.

I want to do this!

Friday, November 20, 2009

All or Nothing

I wish in life that everything wasn't so all or nothing for me. If I know I have a lunch out with friends or co-workers and order something that may not be the best choice, instead of compensating for it, I just blow off the rest of the day. I end up eating more at my next meal. If I could just accept the fact that I didn't blow it, and that I could balance then I would be so much farther ahead.

Here are some things I can do to compensate for a meal out with friends -
1.) Exercise more that day.
2.) Choose light, filling meals with lots of vegetables for the other meals of the day.
3.) Be sure to really enjoy the meal with friends.
4.) Drink more water, especially at the meal.
5.) Take a longer walk with my dog that evening.
6.) Remember that one meal does not break my entire healthy life style.

This is one day at a time. All things can be evened out if the effort is made to do so. Nothing is all or nothing.

I will do this!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Feeling like crap

I needed to write this post as a reminder to myself how bad I feel after a binge night and after a night a carb overload. I went to bed last night with a horrible headache and woke up this morning with the same pounding in my head. I feel heavy, lethargic, in a fog, and listless. This is not how I want to feel and not how I need to feel to make my days productive. This is a horrible feeling. Nothing I ate last night was good enough to make what I feel now worthwhile. I just feel so horribly BLAH!!! I know that healthy eating prepares me for a day with energy and more focus. I need to remember that the next time the thought of eating a loaf of bread comes over me. It makes me feel like crap (physically and emotionally).

The worst part of carb overload is that it makes you want more and more. Your body craves it and you have to go back through withdrawal again. Refocusing is the key this week and weekend and making much better choices for my body and mind.

I can do this!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

On the wagon

I wish getting back on the wagon was as easy as falling off. I have been doing better the last few days, but not to where I should be. I should celebrate my small successes, I know, and not try to change everything for the next 50 years. So that is what I am going to do today to help me more tomorrow.

Today I was able to get in all the water that I needed to drink. I chose a lunch that wasn't horrible. I could have easily added more to it, but I decided against it and chose a healthier option. I had a light dinner since lunch was a little more than usual. I am listening to my body now and waiting to see if I am still hungry in the next 10 minutes.

These are things that I did well in regards to food. And I am proud of these small accomplishments. This whole journey is won by taking things one meal at a time and one day at a time. I know that in my head and just need to keep telling myself this and I will more and more know it in my heart.

Working my way back onto the wagon today and everyday.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Checking In

Back from girls weekend. I'm very relaxed and had a great time.

I am going into this week completely unprepared through and I am worried. I didn't make it to the grocery store so I am not going to have a lunch plan for tomorrow. I have eaten a bit too much tonight as well and am not feeling good.

When I come home from being out with friends or family I tend to have a binge session. I have never been able to figure that one out. I think that while I am out I put up my outside persona and become the person people want me to be. When I get home, I drop the front and realize that I am just me. I am flawed and not as happy as I lead people to believe.

As I write this I realize that knowing this is a weak time for me that I should find a different way to handle that situation. I have to be much more aware and not allow myself to fall into this pattern over and over again.

Tomorrow is going to be a tough day on 2 fronts. As I mentioned before I am going in to the day without preparation. And it is time for me to get back on the wagon and stop the lapse that I have been on for a week and a half. Time to gain control and get back on plan.

I will get up in the morning and workout.
I will write down my food plan for the day and stick to it.
I will go to my nutritionist tomorrow.
I will make tomorrow the best day that I can make it.

Friday, November 13, 2009


So it is Friday night and the start of my hardest few days of the week in terms of my eating patterns. I think for most people they let down their guards over the weekend and eat a bit more liberally than they would during the week. I am no different. This is where the good I may have done during the week melts away into constant grazing and possible binges.

I think for me my issue with the weekends has many different sides to it. There is less structure on the weekend then during the week when I am running from meeting to meeting at work and have less time to think about food.

I also find that weekends are lonelier. At this point in my life I am not dating anybody. So that weighs heavier on me during the weekends. I want to be out dating and finding someone to share my life, but I don't feel comfortable enough in my skin to make the move to work on that.

This weekend should be OK. I am heading out of town with my college roommates. We are going to go to a spa and relax. I am really looking forward to that. I know I won't be bingeing while I am there, but I will be drinking. That does tend to lead to binges once I am home. I also have issues with being out with friends and then coming back home. I am not sure why that makes me so uncomfortable and why it leads to overeating. I will have to address that in another blog.

But for now I am looking forward to the weekend and am trying to not binge before or after the girls weekend. I can do it!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Getting Started

This is truely my first blog ever. I just recently started reading people's blogs and started to see how theraputic they are to the people writing them. I decided to give this a try myself as a way to start writing out my thoughts and feelings as I would through my compulsive eating disorder.

I am a compulsive overeater.

I have tried all kinds of diets that have worked for awhile, but not long term. I also went to Overeaters Annonymous (OA) for a short period of time. I think it is a great organization, but I wasn't ready to commit to it at the time. As with anything, the timing needs to be right. I have other issues to work through and talk about before I think OA will work for me.

I am very unhappy at this point in my life and have been turning to food more and more as a way to get rid of the sad feelings. But as I do this I become more and more unhappy. It is a vicious cycle that I am in at this point in my life. I hate that food has taken over such my of time and effort. I do not want to be in a relationship with food. I want to have human relationships, but things have been spiraling out of control.

My hope with this blog is that I now have a channel to funnel some of these feelings. A way to release them instead of stuffing them down with more food.

I start this blogwith selfish reasons, but I also hope at some point that my thoughts and feelings may just help someone else.